I prepared but I was not ready. I was supposed to give all that I had made for the past few weeks but it seems that the fear from the thoughts of overthinking has succeeded. It made its way inside of my mind and it stopped me from what I wanted to do for today’s discussion. I am clearly aware that it is my fault and I should have given the product of my weeks of preparation.
It was an obvious mistake of mine and I have pondered on its lessons. I ought not to do it again and I would not waste other people’s time anymore. I even hate it when people would do it to me. Ironically, I did and I seriously feel bad about it. The Worst thing is, I indirectly made someone disappointed just because of the fear of nonsense which is the result of my tendency to overthink.
I am usually not this scared to perform or do something in front of many people. I was even exposed to a lot of times. It may seem that I am quite introverted but usually, I am able to control myself from the anxiety of doing something with the eyes of the crowd looking at me. However, today was different. I should have seen it coming but I still let it get me.
***
I have prepared my slides and I even downloaded a copy of the powerpoint on my smartphone so that I could prepare myself even more for the assumed pitching of ideas for that day’s activity. However, on the back of my mind were doubts and thoughts of inconsistencies. Though I have practiced a bit of pitching and I prepared some presentation, I could say that I still was not ready to face people and pitch out my idea for that time. It was not I was not confident of my idea nor because I was intimidated by any person in the class. It was just that I was already overthinking beforehand.
I have thought of; what if I stutter? what if I forget to say the meaning of some terms? what if they do not get the idea of my application? what if no one is interested? what if I finish the pitch but in the end, it would be pointless? – these overwhelming thoughts of overthinking completely made my mind full of preparation simply turn to blank and nothing.
Here I am now, full of regrets and disappointments to myself. Again, I overthink. I think of possible events that could happen but the mere chances of happening are not really getting me. Ironic.
I have long engulfed in this thoughts to which I am drowned. This thinking has existed long enough in my mind and the events that had caused this are still fresh when they play back in my mind. I could still remember those times that I had hurt a person’s feelings and I made some feel bad. Starting from that day on, I made a deal to myself that I would never hurt a person’s feelings again yet today, history repeated itself.
***
I was prepared but I was not ready. Most of my classmates were pushing each other to pitch despite the unpreparedness and fear that covered the class. I, for one, was told by some of them to just go and discuss my ideas with the class. However, I could because I was not ready. Yes, I had the powerpoint presentation and a bit of practice before, but I knew inside of me, I could not.
Because even though I was prepared, I was not ready.
What it means to prepare
Preparation means saving a life from a near-death scenario. It may seem like an exaggeration but it would surely apply in reality. Preparation could mean a second life for another person. If we would put in a disaster, preparation of first-aid kits, food and water supply, and means of communication can give a high chance of survivability in a worst-case scenario that could happen in a catastrophe.
Preparation would most of the time involve contingency plan. These plans take into account the possible circumstances that could happen in the future. Circumstances that could either be beneficial or destructive to people. Given that, it would really be necessary that if people plan, they should plan for the worst scenario.
Sometimes, people are just too complacent to things and that they expect for mediocrity. Because of the complacency, tragedies become more prevalent in the society. The slightest preparations should be considered by everyone and it should not be neglected.
A great example of minor or slight preparations is to have a knowledge about first-aid. First-aid, though a subtle thing, could prevent someone from dying before arriving at the hospital. These preliminary procedures extend a person’s chances of survivability that is why first-aid should be a must for everyone.
If we are going to put in a local scenario, preparation would simply mean survivability. Preparation in the wild is setting traps for the prey to eat. Examples of traps are nets, cages, and etc. Without these concepts, people would possibly have a hard time in sustaining their necessary daily needs of eating.
Similar to the context for today’s discussion, I could not just neglect the possibility of the necessity to pitch out my idea. Given that, I prepared my slides a few weeks ago and I have pondered on it for a few days now. However, I still had doubts.
I could not certainly point out why but maybe because I was not ready yet to share the idea with the class.
What it means to be ready
On the verge of deciding whether I should pitch or not, I fell into my deep thoughts of negativity and declined myself. It was clearly so stupid of me.
Because of what had happened, I feel stupid and I just put my efforts to waste. I should have put it to good use, right? Fear was a factor, yes. But the readiness was, even more, a bigger factor as to why I was not able to perform that afternoon.
Being ready simply means to have one’s self physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared for what he/she is about to take or encounter.
A person may be prepared yet he/she may not be ready. Or, a person may be ready but unprepared. I am not saying this to excuse myself from the mistake I did to myself but to clearly point out that these logical concepts are valid yet subjective.
My point is, though I had the slides, I was still not unconfident about its contents and the appropriate way of pitching the ideas inside it. Additionally, I would also like to point out that it was clearly my fault and it was due to my lack of mental readiness which has been brought upon by the fear of overthinking.
Fear and its effects
Due to the existence of the concept of fear, many people are unable to perform well in various aspects of life. First, they are unable to cultivate intelligence.
Crippling fear is a serious and real concept. From the word itself, crippling fear makes people unable to perform activities they usually perform on a daily basis. Sleep for example. The fear brought by imagining hallucinations and apparitions could cripple a person from sleeping.
The fear brought by inflaming oneself or burning his/her self could cripple a person from engaging with heat or fire. Basically, fear acts like a double-edged sword to most people. It could either act as a lesson or a warning.
Fear becomes a lesson when it is set up by pain. Pain is sometimes because of clumsiness or curiosity. A child, as an example, who touches an electric socket and gets electrocuted would really learn his/her lesson because of the pain. And because of this pain, the child would most of the time, not touch the same socket again for fear of getting hurt.
On the other hand, fear becomes a warning if it is brought by intense scenarios that could either mean life and death. Though it still acts as a lesson, the warning has a slight implication because it cripples a person. This type of fear paralyzes and makes a person stagnant and away from success. According to Dontaira Terrell, “The residual effect of fear is damaging to living a fulfilled, happy and purposeful life. It cripples decision making, hinders success, promotions, finances and the ability to establish long-lasting relationships.” – posted on May 25, 2015, by Dontaira Terrell in HuffingtonPost.
I am extremely stressing out that fear is a huge factor why many people lose and there are a lot of regrets in life. Similar to I had experienced in today’s discussion, I really regret it that I let fear consume my mind. And because of that, I was unable to pitch out my ideas which turned out really bad for most of us.
For me, however, it was just not fear because it was really caused by overthinking of circumstances that might happen. The what-ifs are not really there and they exist just to fool a person’s mind.
***
Overthinking, people’s syndrome
I would usually assume that things would turn out good or bad based on my experiences and along with the wisdom I have gained from those experiences. For me, predicting worst-case scenarios are really important so that I could either evade them if I still have the time or prepare myself for experiencing them if there’s not enough time.
Most of us think of possibilities based on our personal experiences and the experiences of other people. Sometimes we would assume to take advantage but more often than not, to avoid ourselves from getting hurt or placing ourselves in danger.
It is sort of a natural human instinct. It has sort of becoming necessary for survival. However, thinking of possibilities become extreme and they go over the necessary which leads us to overthink.
Overthinking has seriously been with me for quite some time now and it does not just affect me but many of my classmates. I would often hear them overthinking about failing or receiving an INC from their subjects. There are slightest hints of receiving those grades but sometimes I do think they are just overthinking and they are underrating their capabilities.
Other than that, the concept of overthinking is wider and it is completely different as to how it affects me. Overthinking gets me from 1 to the existence of the universe. It gets me from a simple concept of mathematics to my existence and the creation of the universe. It is an exaggeration but I guess that would be the best analogy of how I would explain overthinking. Also, imagine the ideas between those things that led from a simple to a completely different and complex idea.
I can say these things because like what happened in today’s discussion and to my other experiences with overthinking, I experience overthinking most of the time.
For some time, I was able to keep myself away from thinking beyond necessary but it seems that I could just not prevent negativities not to bother me. Negativities such as doubts, fear, and other false implications of what ifs.
It is really hard to deal with overthinking especially when the environment suffers from it too. And because of this, from thoughts of fear and doubt, it triggers my depression.
There are a lot of negativities that contributed to the reasons why I backed out and dwelled in fear for today’s discussion. I cannot help but let them in.
***
After all the preparation and readiness, fear and overthinking have completely prevailed in my mind for that day’s discussion. They are just too destructive that they make me unproductive leading to disappointments for people.
If only I was able to take hold of myself and get a better steer of my thoughts, maybe the situation would have been better.
For me, it does not really matter if you are prepared. What matters is if you are ready to take the challenge and face fear head-on leaving the negativities and thoughts of overthinking behind.
I really hope that I would get mature in this aspect and I am reflecting seriously hard on this.
***
We were sent out. It was clearly our fault. We knew we had to do something but because of our recklessness, we were scolded. Before though, a classmate of mine volunteered to pitch but it seems that he was the only one. Because of that, we were dismissed early and aggressively. However, it turned out that there were 3 more who stayed in the class despite the fear inside the class. I was not able to see them raise their hands when volunteers were asked but they stayed. I would have stayed if I had known.
Staying for the betterment
If only I had the courage to return to the laboratory, opened my laptop, and presented an idea it would have been different. However, I left and accepted the fact that we were sent out because of our recklessness. I am really disappointed with myself for today and I just do not recognize if this is still me.
Well, I guess fear and overthinking really worked their way.
There actually a lot of chances to pitch but I do not know why I chose to be out of the room. The last meeting, we were also told and asked if there was someone who would like to volunteer to pitch. However, not even one person was confident enough to face the crowd and it resulted in an early dismissal. During that time, I had also finished and modified my presentation but I still chose not to pitch.
In my defense, I was and am still not ready. But after what happened in today’s discussion, it turns out that I have made my mind and decided that I would pitch a better idea for the next meeting. Hopefully, no more fear and overthinking. Hopefully, no more doubts, regrets, and disappointments. I am actually planning to modify and create a better presentation that would suit an elevator pitch.
Reflecting my decisions of what had happened earlier today, the importance of one’s time reminded me. I ought not to waste other people’s time again. These disappointments make it clear to me that next time, I should probably make up my mind and be decisive when it comes to abrupt decision making. And, it would be best to remove negativities or plans of backing out from the choices.
Because if not, decisions like what happened today would just happen again and these reflections to myself would just turn out to be pointless. So it would so much be better if next time, I would grab the opportunities and think of them as once in a lifetime events with small chances of existing again. Maybe, through this, I would realize the greater value of other people’s time and then choose a decision that would make me and the majority to benefit.
***
Concept of Time and its Value
I wasted other people’s time even if I knew its importance.
Time is usually measured and identified using wristwatches or simply clock. Time inside it is denoted using three lines that point to 12 numbers. But for subjectively, what is time to a person is how important is it?
For me, it is important as my life. Time is vital to my everyday life because it makes me keep track of what to do and what not to do. Using time, I get to divide and manage my task that is done on a daily basis. Also, using time, I get to determine if I had a productive day or not.
Using time, I could count the number of hours I have spent studying and on entertaining myself with movies. Aside from that, time for me, makes me realize that a person could leave in a matter of a few seconds.
Time is as important as my life because it is invaluable. And to waste it means to waste life. Basically, we individuals thrive to survive and this is guided by time.
Objectively, on the other hand, how important is time? Time depicts punctuality. Filipinos are noted to be usually late than the agreed time. It is even used as a laughing stock when in reality, it should be seen as a serious matter. I mean, do they enjoy wasting each other’s time? Ironically, yes. Aside from that, time objectively means respect. Because if you respect a person, you also respect his time.
If we tend to show signs of tardiness at work or in school, it simply means that we disrespect that time of our teachers and classmates and we become unruly to the guidelines of the school.
Going back to the topic, the reason why I am really disappointed with myself is aside from the fact I wasted a person’s time is that I became disrespectful.
At first, I should have known this but as it turns out, I just hypocritically reflected it back to myself at the end of the day. Time is invaluable and it is really important because it happens only once.
People should realize that the concept of time is as much as important as a sign that they respect each other. Thus, I ought not to disrespect other people again by wasting their time. Instead, I am looking forward to being productive and being grateful for the time people spend with me. This means that they really value my time and they respect me as a person as well.
Hopefully, the incident that what happened a while ago would not happen again; that no person’s time would be put to waste especially that there was a two-month span of preparation given to us.
The two-month span is actually a really big deal and we should have also seen it coming.
Two for Nothing
Going back weeks from now, we were oriented about the subject. We actually had an idea about the subject from the higher years. There actually a lot of hearsays and rumors about the subject but I really thought those were words of exaggeration and they were too much to be real but they were not.
When we started almost two months ago, we were tasked to prepare ideas. These ideas could turn into a solid idea if the class and facilitator agrees to its concept. After, a business model canvass would be a follow-up. It was a really tough time to think of innovations that are not yet existing or if not, has really unique features that would make the application stand out from its competitors.
I had to think of many areas: environmental, informatics, marketing, etc. Although I had a lot of ideas, I still streamlined and improved them as much as I can. I was still not confident though.
Since last week, we were already asked to pitch them out. Given that we had plenty of time to conceptualize, most of the class would probably have a lot of ideas to present but as absurd as it may seem, only a few presented their innovations.
I can only blame myself if we were sent out aggressively a while ago. It was clearly our fault. There was a lot of time to prepare yet what did we do?
Surely, I did not procrastinate. It is somewhat confusing to think that not even 10 percent of the class is not able to perform for the pitching having an almost two-month of allotted preparation time. A one-month allotment is even enough to suffice the preparation and readiness for the deliverables like the presentation of the powerpoint and the organization of the pitching. Yet, only four people were able to pitch out their ideas today.
The given two months for nothing only means that most of us again, did not respect the given time and it seemed like we were reluctant to the possibilities. It is hard to conceptualize ideas for some, it is hard to make presentations, and for some, they are not just ready to pitch out their ideas. But if we are going to narrow it down, it would all lead to the given two-month allotment which most us had simply put to waste. Therefore, I can only blame myself because it reflects back to me and my duty as a student.
Nevertheless, I think we could still make up for it if modified and incorporated improvements to our innovations. Although it would not completely justify the wasted time, I think we can make it a deal to ourselves not do it again, For the four people who courageously stayed in the room and pitched out their ideas, they deserve the luxury of enjoying more time for entertainment. I think this is a justifiable action and I somewhat think that we deserve this warning or such. We have been too unruly, I believe.
***
To make it direct to the point, the words stated above states that no matter what journey I am going to take, I should be prepared and ready. There are various of ways to prepare materials for the long journey ahead of me and what it needs is courage for me to be ready. It would also be best if I assumed for a worst case scenario for my ideas. So that whenever the worst would come, I could be able to resist.
These subjective factors should come along with the rejection of fear and overthink thoughts that might hinder me from taking the challenge head-on. In order for me to be flawless in pitching out my idea, I should probably think of it as an opportunity for learning and not as an intimidation.
Because regardless of what other people would say, I do believe that the words that they would utter would mean improvement which is beneficial for me as an individual. Thus, I should take their words as constructive criticisms and not as insults.
If I choose to ignore some of their words, it might hinder my emotional growth and make me miss some opportunities for improvement.
Also, I should probably improve my skills in setting aside my attitude of overthinking because it really bothers me and it triggers my depression. It makes my thoughts unclear and it makes me indecisive. To solve the overthinking thoughts with regards to my ideas, I guess I could ask help or suggestions from other people so that I would be able to improve not just myself but my innovations as well.
Similarly, a lot of students are also in the same position with me right now. I know deep inside they are also in fear and they are overthinking of the possibilities, the what-ifs, and negativities. I could not blame them if they are having those thoughts.
They were also trembling in fear during the part where we were being sent out of class. We heard words that could not just be digested quickly by our minds because it went straight deep to our hearts. It was clearly our fault, so I guess, we really deserved it.
Two-months was simply put to waste like nothing happened. Some students did not even prepare something which means they were too complacent. And because of this, some of our actions were corrected through what had happened.
Honestly, some students still have the complacency up to this time and the courage to cram. I know college is a challenging path and that cramming has become casual for the students but two-months was too much. It was enough, more than enough, for the students to prepare and be ready. Yet, here we are, unprepared and lacked readiness.
Aside from that, the class, most of us, disrespected a person’s time and it was clearly a huge mistake.
Given that, we surely regret our decisions and mistakes. This reflection signifies a change for the betterment of my innovations and myself. It is time to brush off the fear and overthinking thoughts for the benefit of the majority. Technoprenuership is similar to this after all.
There are a lot of things to reflect, actually. From being prepared to being ready to the fear, and overthinking thoughts; down to the staying and respect for time. These things all go back to Technopreneurship and my journey as a student along with this subject.
Fear and Technopreneurship
Traditionally, before most our ideas are allowed to be competed locally, nationally, and internationally, these get to be sorted out and approved first inside the class by the facilitator and the students.
Through this concept, innovations receive criticisms that are really vital for the betterment or rejection of the idea. It may seem harsh but I believe this is one of the most efficient methods to bag a top rank in a competition. It is one of the most direct to the point preparation for a start-up competition. It would simply serve as training and filtering ground.
It may seem deadly, but outside is deadlier. Many ideas will be rejected but the best ones will be left out. These best innovations will get to compete and known by many people. Thus, the fear inside the room when pitching should slowly brush off and should not be really minded because it is entirely different. If there would be a facilitator and more than fifty students to be afraid of in the classroom, there are almost hundreds of participants in competitions with a lot of judges and investors eyeing for an innovation.
Overthinking and Technopreneurship
Students like most us should not overthink instead, they should just properly think of the worst possible scenarios that could happen for our ideas. It is not the rejection but the professional aspects which I am referring to. Business strategies, income generation, and possible solutions for future circumstances should be thought of, instead of negativities and rejection. It is a training-ground after all.
I think it is way better to be rejected in front of a few people earlier than to be rejected by many that come with regrets later on. Let us try to see the brighter side, right?
Preparation and Technopreneurship
I prepared a presentation for my single idea but I guess, I should probably make some more since I was able to generate new innovations.
Since it is still early, it would be best if I would gather data on the net. Through this, I could be able to research more on my ideas whether it is already existing or not. Or, search for emerging trends that I could just incorporate into my innovations for it to obtain uniqueness.
Facts and figures should also be included for my preparation so that I could really prove that a true and real problem is existing. Statistics from surveys really help make a concrete problem being a foundation for a wonderful solution. Because if I am not going to prepare for this, it might turn out that I am solving a vague problem.
Aside from the content, an oral speech and practice for an elevator pitch I think is also necessary. Although it is not real¬ly stressed to speak in English, it would be best if I already prepared an outline so that I would have a guide for my actual pitching. These preparations would not hurt. It would really give me a win-win situation. That is why if I get rejected, I would not have any regrets if I did not fail to prepare and assume the slightest possibilities. It is the essence of preparing after all.
Being ready and Technopreneurship
Being ready in Technopreneurship means a lot but for now, I still have to make myself confident with my ideas. And for me to be confident with them I still have to look for holes and advantages myself so that during the moment that I pitch it out, it would turn out smoothly.
I have also thought of preparing myself physically and mentally so that there would be no regrets. I even watched some of the videos of the participants for the Philippine Start-up Competition from USeP. I distinguished differences from their ideas from mine and used it as a strength for improvement. I also comprehended their way of pitching out their innovations. The way they sell their awesome ways of generating income, their target market, the core of their application was really good and I got some idea that I would incorporate in the future.
Time, respect, and Technopreneurship
Since Technopreneurship is dealing with technology, it all goes back to the point of technology to speed things more and mitigate the factors that contribute to the hassle of a certain concept.
As I said, I do not want to offend other people as much as I can and I really want to give value to their time.
Aside from that, in Technopreneurship, I believe that it revolves in respect per se. If I pitch out might idea during the next meeting and I hear words from the class, the best thing would be to take those words as constructive criticism for my benefit and the benefit of my ideas.
The class is somewhat like a bloody battlefield. A lot of ideas get rejected. A lot of people get hurt because of rejection. Many students are instilled with fear because of failure.
I, for one, was like them but I ought not to be a part of it anymore. The class is like an arena for gladiators who want to live and survive except no one dies. That is the brighter side of it all.
Also, every gladiator wants to win the battle inside the classroom and to win, they must learn to fight. Words of criticism should be taken as a key to the room of improvement and not as a reason for them lose hope.
Everyone can even try and try until their innovations are the best and their swords get sharpen like the best ideas that are ready to be used for competitions outside the four corners of the classroom.
Technopreneurship is about preparation, being ready, brushing off fear and overthinking thoughts after all. And because of that incident, the value of time that comes along with respect has made its way back into my mind again and made sense as I reflected.
Null and Void 